


Destiny Calls

by morninglights



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mystery, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morninglights/pseuds/morninglights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Plagued by dreams in which he sees the same man die over and over again, Nino is trying to do the impossible, to escape fate that has chosen him of all people to be a life saver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Man at The Train Station

_“I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough.”_   
**\- M. C. Escher**

 

The digital clock on the display board a few feet away from him showed 3:39 PM when a computer voice came over the speakers and announced that the next train would arrive only a few minutes later. Two pigeons cooed and flew off the platform when the rails began to vibrate.

A feeling rose within him; anxiety.

The computer voice echoed through the train station again, a few passersby stepped closer to the rails, three girls next to him chattered loudly, giggling heartily. The train arrived.

Behind him the noise level rose. Two young men argued, their words slurred by the copious amounts of alcohol they had apparently already consumed although it was only early afternoon.

One of them jostled against him when the train had almost reached him, he could only barely manage to stay on his feet; he had nearly fallen onto the rails. The man next to him wasn't as lucky.

A sudden scream, then the girls who had just been giggling began to screech.

Then Silence.

 

 

Sighing Ninomiya Kazunari let his bag fall down next to him and leaned forward to put his elbows on the bar and brace his chin on his hands. The owner of the café furrowed his brows.

"Your sigh spells trouble. Another dream?" Matsumoto Jun asked worriedly, all the while drying a green cup. When he was done he threw the dishtowel over his shoulder, making him look very feminine.

"What else? Someday I'll go crazy, I'm telling you!" Nino answered, dismayed, and ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly. Then he boldly lay his head down on the freshly cleaned bar.

"Hey! Ninomiya, you are not at home," came the disgruntled reply to his action and Nino slowly lifted his head again, anxious to look as pitiful as possible.

"It was more real than normal."

Jun furrowed his brows again and Nino had to suppress a chuckle. Seeing Jun scrunch up his face like that always made him laugh. If he knew what he looked like when he did it - he would stop doing it once and for all.

"How ... _more real_?" Jun probed, his interest caught.

For a while Nino stayed silent, thought about how to word what he wanted to say without making it sound as frightening as it had been when he had experienced it. But then he chose the direct approach. Why should he make light of the situation anyway?

"He died." Nino pressed his lips together sullenly when Jun's surprised eyes met his.

"That's the first time I hear about that," he answered quickly, once again scrunching up his face in the way Nino thought comical.

"Has to be because it was the first time I dreamed it."

 

 

He didn't stay at the café long that day. Even though he usually came around lunch time and stayed late into the afternoon - partly to keep his friend company and partly to help when there were a lot of customers -, this day he left earlier and Jun didn't seem happy about it.

"You don't have to go there, Nino. It was just a dream," he tried to convince him. But Nino was restless.

"Sure, only a dream. And tomorrow, when I see his picture in the paper, my life will be over."

"At least then it would be over...," Jun mumbled seemingly to himself, but Nino heard every word. He looked at his glass of water grimly, watching small bubbles rise along the rim.

"Sorry...," Jun added when Nino stayed silent. Nino suddenly looked up again, his elbows once again on the bar, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"And what if he's there? What if he's standing there, at 3:39 PM? Then it's _real_ , Jun!"

 

 

Nino reached the train station at 3:24 PM, and suddenly he wanted to run away. It scared him; the thought of really seeing the man of his dreams standing there. Of maybe seeing him die.

In the last few years there hadn't been a night in which he hadn't dreamed of the young, brown-haired (although he was sure that brown wasn't his natural hair color) man. There hadn't been a night in which he hadn't woken up, soaked in sweat, because he had dreamed of random moments of the life of a complete stranger.

But this night had been the first time he had seen him die. And it had been a lot more real, a lot more vivid. For the first time he had remembered enough to recognize the place he had seen in his dream. Nino knew that he had to use this piece of information.

If the man wasn't at the train station, everything would go on. He would live his life the way he had always lived it and he would keep asking himself why he dreamed about the same man every night.

But if he was at the train station-

Nino wouldn't know what to do.

 

 

" _Please step back, the train will arrive in a few seconds._ "

Nino quickly looked at the clock on the display board to once again make sure that it was really 3:39 PM. He didn't notice the two pigeons that flew up off the rails, as incredible tension ran through his body.

It only got worse when three familiar girls started laughing loudly.

' _Is ... this really happening?_ ' Nino asked himself incredulously, letting his eyes wander across the platform. A huge lump formed in his throat when he saw the drunk men a few feet behind him.

Then the second announcement came.

And suddenly a man stepped next to him.

Nino's eyes widened when he recognized the brown-haired man. There he was, only a few feet away from him, absently looking at his watch. Nino thought he was dreaming; literally.

_'He is ... really here. He exists. He is ... real.'_

When Nino heard the train come in, he suddenly remembered why he was even there in the first place. Not to finally meet the man of his dreams, but to _save_ him.

But it took a few seconds until Nino could finally tear his gaze away from the man next to him. It almost took too long.

Suddenly he felt himself being pushed and lurched dangerously forward. He could already see the rails, but somehow he managed to stay on his feet. Just like he did in his dream.

' _Now!_ ' Nino fired himself up and blindly reached a hand out to the man next to him who had also been pushed. He caught a hold of him and pulled as hard as he could. Together they fell to the floor, a tangled mass of limbs, but at least they were safe.

The train arrived. Nobody screamed.

Only the man next to him breathed heavily.

 

 

For a few seconds nothing happened, they just continued to lie next to each other on the hard platform and Nino could feel the eyes of the passersby on them. Then the man turned to face him and looked him straight in the eyes. Nino felt as if he could read everything in his eyes, surprise, partly shock. And fascination.

When the man opened his mouth to say something that Nino was sure he didn't want to hear, he quickly got to his feet and ran away.


	2. Doubts

_“Doubt is uncomfortable, certainty is ridiculous.”_  
 ** _\- Voltaire_ **

 

The first thing Nino did when he came home was throw himself onto his bed. He didn't care that his shoes were still squeezing his toes uncomfortably or that his coat was stretched almost painfully across his torso. He only felt the need to press his face into the pillow, to neither see nor hear anything.

He didn't manage to grasp the pictures floating through his head and press them into the pillow as well, no matter how much he wanted to in that moment.

_'He was there.'_

Gasping for breath, Nino lifted his face off the pillow, rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Once again he saw the man's face in front of his mind's eye. Desperate, he started tossing and turning, trying with all his might to get the man out of his head.

He couldn't do it.

 

 

Somewhere close church bells began to ring, telling him that it was six o'clock. The air smelled foul, dust and dirt made his eyes water. He staggered down the street, feeling unbelievably tired. But something kept him moving further and further. The sounds floating in the air grew louder, steel struck steel, with a loud screech a hole was drilled into a piece of metal.

And smack dab in the middle of the construction site a man stood, seeming very out of place and looking confused.

Sparks flew up, behind him, next to him, lighting up his face. Then there was the roar of a crane, in its precarious grip a number of iron girders that it was swinging over their heads.

He felt tense again as he turned his gaze upwards to follow the girders' journey with his eyes. An imaginary rope wrapped itself around his body, a cord just waiting for the moment when it could tighten and strangle him.

And then it happened. The iron girders slipped and careened towards the ground. They missed him by a hair's breadth, but they didn't miss the man in front of him. He had to watch the first girder strike him on the head. He went to the ground immediately, only to be struck by another girder.

He wanted to close his eyes, wanted to escape the horrible spectacle in front of him, but he couldn't. He couldn't move, couldn't rescue the man - it was already too late for that.

He studied the thin rivulet of blood that ran across the ground to his feet intently, giving it more attention than it deserved so he didn't have to look at the downed man. Acrid bile rose in his throat.

 

 

Nino awoke with a start. Sweating and gasping for breath he sat up in bed, trying to come to terms with what he had dreamed. What he had dreamed _again_.

' _He... died again_ ,' he realized ominously as he wiped his sweat-soaked forehead with the back of his hand. His hair was plastered to his skull unpleasantly.

"Is it my duty to save his life again?" he asked his reflection in the mirror, after he had somehow dragged himself into the bathroom. He had saved his life the day before after all and now he had watched the man die again in his dream. So was it his duty to go to the construction site and prevent the man from being crushed by the iron girders? Nino shook himself when he remembered the massacre.

He knew that today would be another day that would be over before it had really begun.

 

 

"Don't tell me you... no, I don't want to hear it, you know?" Jun began the moment Nino set foot into the café, as if he had been able to see it in his eyes. Jun was good at that - you didn't have to tell him what was going on, he found out on his own.

"I want to keep my simple, carefree life, thank you very much," he finally added, elegantly turning his back on Nino with the last few words and devoting his attention to a mountain of dirty dishes.

Nino sat down at the bar, this time without a sigh, without making any kind of noise. He just sat there, silently looking down at the coffee Jun had pushed towards him as an afterthought.

When he hadn't moved after ten minutes, Jun clicked his tongue impatiently.

"It's not your coffee's fault, you know?"

Nino lifted his eyes to him for the first time that day and gave him a pained smile.

"I wish it was, then I'd at least have someone to blame," he replied sullenly, rotating his cup once, twice, before finally lifting it to his mouth and taking a few big gulps.

"Knowing who is to blame right away is boring," Jun grinned and threw the towel over his shoulder. Nino pushed the thought how laughable he looked again out of his head. He only leaned forward, looking deeply into Jun's brown eyes.

"You know... I _liked_ my boring life."

For a moment Jun stayed silent, pity swirling in his eyes. Nino couldn't bear to see it so he looked back down at his coffee, absently stirring it. After a while he lifted his head again.

"Do you know if there's a construction site around here somewhere?" he asked, trying to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Jun stroked his chin with his thumb and forefinger as he thought, "Hm... I know that they're building a new shopping center a few streets over. They've been working on that for a while now."

"The one next to the old church?" Nino pressed on, almost sure that it was that very shopping center he had seen in his dream. He remembered hearing the church bells ring close by. At six o'clock.

Jun only nodded, his face expressionless as usual when he was thinking. Nino could imagine what was going through Jun's head at that moment; he was only waiting for the curiosity to become too much for Jun, for him to ask about the dream after all.

"Is the coffee good?" Jun asked instead, catching Nino by surprise. Jun knew that the coffee was always good, after all. He took a moment to think, to ask himself if there wasn't more to the question, but couldn't think of what it could be. So he just nodded, confused.

 

 

Despite having been plagued with doubts the whole day, doubts like annoying old friends that you just can't escape, Nino wasn't surprised to find himself in front of the old church at close to six. A few feet away a narrow alley led to the construction site. There was little room to maneuver because they had dug up half the street when they started building the shopping center. You could only pass on foot and even that was difficult. It wasn't a street Nino would usually choose, he felt claustrophobic too easily.

But now he was here.

' _One day you will go completely insane, Ninomiya_ ,' he told himself for the fourth time that day, but failed to get himself to reconsider and go home.

For a while he leaned against the cardboard wall surrounding the construction site and waited. Where would the man of his dreams come from? Or was he there already, lost in the middle of the construction site and waiting to be rescued? Nino shook his head; of course he wouldn't wait for that.

' _Why do I assume he will be here anyway? Just because my dream almost came true that one time?_ ' A crooked grin accompanied these thoughts. A kind of indifference rose within him, making him sigh.

"This is cra-," but he didn't get further than that with his pep talk, because in that moment the bells started ringing.

_'It has begun!'_

Gripped by a sudden fervor Nino started running. He ran as fast as he could through the narrow alley, an alley that didn't seem to want to end. He ran past walls of cardboard full of bright graffitis, all the while trying not to ask himself why he was doing this. He only concentrated on running. Because he knew that he was late. Because he knew the bells had started ringing a few seconds before the tragedy had happened.

While he ran his own, fast breathing was so loud in his ear that it drowned everything else out. But when he suddenly stopped, thinking he had reached the spot he had stood in in his dream, he heard the noise again. Metal clanged on metal, hammers struck steel. The construction work was in full swing and the crane above was swinging iron girders over his head.

' _It's going to happen again_ ,' he realized, alarmed, when he saw him; only a few feet in front of him. Just as lost, as out of place as he had been in his dream.

"Look out!" Nino yelled and ran towards him, forcing himself to not look up, to not watch the iron girders that would tumble down on them any second now. He concentrated only on the man in front of him, who was looking at him with wide eyes and automatically backed away. That was good, he needed to get away, needed to step to the side, away from the crane, from the iron girders.

Nino didn't want to see him being crushed by the metal.

"Get away from there, damn it!" he shouted as he reached the man. He didn't think, he just grabbed the man's arm and pulled him along. Together they stumbled a few more steps and then it happened.

With a loud bang one girder after the other crashed down in front of their feet. At once wild shouts rent the air, the crane came to a creaking halt, workers came running towards them. Despite the jumble of voices around them, Nino didn't hear a thing.

Two deep brown eyes, wide with fear, stared at him. And Nino could do nothing but stare back.

"You are...," the man began, but Nino panicked as he realized that he knew that voice. He knew the nice, high voice, slightly distorted by shock, but still clearly familiar. He had heard the man speak so often in his dreams in the past.

The realization frightened him.

"Don't... don't say anything. Please," he replied quickly, soundlessly, before he was pulled to his feet by a worker.

"Boy, that was close. This isn't a playground, go on, leave," the worker grumbled. Nino nodded quickly and then took advantage of the opportunity. Without turning to look at the man of his dreams again, he squeezed through the group of workers surrounding them and disappeared.

And he knew that he wasn't the only one whose head was buzzing with a thousand unanswered questions.


	3. The Man of His Dreams

_“I'm no hero, guilty as charged”_   
**_\- Search & Destroy / 30 seconds to mars_ **

 

"You have the day off?" Jun asked, surprised, after Nino had bitterly told him that he hadn't dreamed of brown-haired men having accidents the night before.

"Looks like it," Nino confirmed, more or less elegantly tossing a lump of sugar into his black coffee. He grimaced when a few hot drops landed on his hand. Jun chuckled.

"Does that mean you're finally going to help me out again?"

Nino made some sort of affirmative noise and laid his head down on his extended arms. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before; he had been preoccupied with what had happened that day. He just didn't know what to make of his current situation, at the same time he really didn't want to think too deeply about it, either. Nino didn't like dealing with things he couldn't explain.

"What does the man of your dreams have to say about all this anyway?" Jun asked and Nino could only smile crookedly at him.

"He doesn't know."

Jun paused for a moment, obviously surprised by the answer. Water dripped off the wet glass in his hand onto the freshly wiped-down bar, but he didn't seem to notice.

“Come again? Does that mean you haven't told him about it yet?" His friend gave him an incredulous look and a queasy feeling rose within Nino. Almost like remorse.

"Haven't had the opportunity yet," he mumbled, staring at his cup. Nino liked avoiding Jun's gaze, especially when it was this piercing.

"Nino, please!" Jun began, bewildered, "You've saved his life twice now! Don't you think you should... talk to him? Put yourself in his place. The poor guy, really."

"Don't you think I have a hard enough time with this already?" Nino suddenly snapped. His patience usually didn't wear thin so soon, but he was tense in every way that day. "I don't even know why this is happening to me. How am I supposed to explain it to him? Hi, I'm Nino, you don't know me, but I've been dreaming of you for years now?"

A loud, dull thud kept Jun from answering. A pigeon had flown against the window behind him and Nino turned in time to see it falling to the floor, dead. He grimaced at the sight for a second before he noticed something else. Something that made his insides shudder.

The big windows offered him a great view of the street in front of the café. And on the other side of the street he saw _him_ \- the man of his dreams.

Their eyes met, both of them startled, and then everything happened much too quickly. Before Nino could move, he saw the man cross the street towards him. At once a horn sounded loudly, then tires squealed, someone screamed. And then there came the crashing impact.

"Oh God! No... no, no, no!" tumbled from Nino's lips. He sprang to his feet immediately and ran out of the café onto the street.

He had just watched the man whose life he had saved twice now be run over by a car. Because of him.

 _'That can't be... why didn't I dream...?_ ' His mind was reeling. Nino could make neither heads nor tails of his thoughts; he was too shaken to make sense of the situation.

When he reached the man, a crowd had already formed around the scene of the accident. He squeezed through the onlookers, hearing sirens in the distance. But he couldn't concentrate on anything other than the man lying motionless on the street, surrounded by a growing pool of his own blood.

While he stood there in shock, watching the EMTs and doctors try to save the man's life, his mind stopped reeling. But the thought that crystallized frightened him even more.

 _'Did I fail?_ '

But there was something else there, too, something that felt like relief, even though he didn't want to admit it even to himself. If the man died - and looking at him now, Nino was almost sure he would - his self-imposed duty would be over. His task completed. Nino ignored the shock that went through his system at the thought.

 

Jun had sent him home right away. If there was one feeling that was very pronounced in Jun, it was pity. Nino was more than grateful for it, though. He was grateful also that Jun didn't ask questions, that he had already realized what had happened.

Nino flung himself onto his bed, it was almost like a déjà-vu, only under different circumstances. This time he wasn't the hero, but the jinx. This time he wasn't the savior, but the cause of the accident.

 _'If he hadn't seen me, he wouldn't have run onto the street without looking after all,_ ' he accused himself, closing his eyes gloomily.

When he opened them again after a few minutes, he was sitting in the café again.

"What does the man of your dreams have to say about all this anyway?" Jun asked with amusement shining in his eyes.

' _He doesn't know...,_ ' Nino heard himself reply in his mind.

Then he finally understood.

Nino knew that he had to act immediately. When the pigeon crashed into the window, it would be too late. Quickly he sifted through the possibilities, his body tensing enough to make his breathing pick up. Skillfully ignoring Jun's questioning look.

 _'If I run across the street to him, I have to talk to him. I have to say something. If I don't do it, I need to disappear... then he can't be allowed to see me. But maybe he will still - No! I need to go to him._ ' With this thought he sprang to his feet and ran out of the café as fast as he could. But in his hurry he miscalculated the distance and ran straight onto the street. The last thing Nino saw were two bright headlights racing toward him. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the impact.

Just like in his dream he heard screeching tires, but this time they were much closer and much more real.

But nothing happened.

A horn sounding angrily, followed by the curses of an unknown man and Jun's yells, made him open his eyes again and lower his arms from in front of his face. It was only then that he noticed that he had even lifted them, most likely out of instinct.

A black car had come to a stop only a few centimeters in front of him. The driver was moving towards him, panting with rage.

"Are you insane? Running out on the street, I can't believe it!"

When Nino looked around, shocked to his bones, he couldn't see the man of his dreams anywhere. He turned around and around, straining to see a sign of him, a hint of where he might have been. But there was no one there.

He was unable to stop the question from rising within him, spinning in his mind, laughing and mocking him:

_'Did you finally lose your mind?'_

 

The door to Jun's café was shut for the rest of the night, sporting a sign that said Closed in big, red letters. Nino had curled up in one of the armchairs, his arms slung around his bended knees. For a long while he just stared at the steam rising from the cup Jun had set down on the table in front of him, watching the almost invisible steam curl upwards and disappear.

At some point Jun joined him.

"Maybe you should tell me exactly what happened to you just now," he said calmly. Nino could see the worry in the lines of his face, saw it in the way he knit his brows.

“I can't. I don't know," he answered curtly, meeting Jun's eyes for no more than a second.

"I only know...," he continued after a short pause, "... that I'm well on the way to losing my grip on reality, to being unable to distinguish what's real and what's a dream."


	4. Shards

  
_“All difficult things have their origin in that which is easy, and great things in that which is small.”_   
**_\- Lao Tzu_ **   


  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari wasn't usually prone to overthinking. Only a little while ago, when he had been composing music for an ad agency every now and then, he had let himself be guided purely by inspiration. He had never sat in front of a blank page, thinking about what he should do. He had simply done it. But he finally had to admit that he had reached a point at which he couldn't just _do_ things anymore.  
  
Because if he would - it would happen again. He would blindly try to safe someone who might not even be in danger. And in the end he would only endanger himself, most likely even get himself killed.  
  
 _'I could renounce my self-imposed duty... and let him die the next time. But... do I want that?_ Can _I do that?_ ' A question he had long ago answered for himself with his actions. He had saved the man of his dreams the first time. And the second. And now he wouldn't be able to just break out of this vicious circle, he knew.  
  
There remained the question of what he would do with that knowledge. Should he carelessly give himself over to his duty, hoping that it would one day end? Maybe he should just talk to the man next time, explain everything, like Jun had advised him to do.  
  
But something stopped Nino from doing it. A fear, buried deep within him, that only came out to play every now and then, but was too strong for him to completely suppress it. It was always hovering just out of sight. He wasn't afraid of the man, he was afraid of the consequences. Afraid of what might come to light if he let himself get involved with him.  
  
But no matter how long he thought about it that night, he couldn't stop himself from dreaming.  
  
  
  
' _I'm dreaming_.' A thought that came to him right away and made everything easier. He knew that he only had to let himself be led by the dream, that he only had to follow the urge within himself, it would lead him directly to the man of his dream. He had experienced it so many times before. Every time there was this pull that drew him to the man.  
  
That's why it didn't take long until he saw the familiar face, the brown hair and the crouched posture of the man. There he was - maybe fifty meters away, maybe even less - looking at different hooks in a big shop window. Sammi's Fishing Equipment was written above it in big letters.  
  
For a short moment Nino contemplated approaching him. But he didn't want to find out if there would be consequences for the real world, for the _real_ man; so he didn't approach him, he just stood there and watched. He watched the man's face, reflected in the window, saw the light in his eyes and the small smile on his lips. Then he saw a truck racing straight towards the small shop, saw it hit the man from behind and throw him through the window.  
  
  
  
"A shop for _fishing_ equipment?" Jun asked warily. Since Nino had blindly run out onto the street the day before, Jun took the whole thing more seriously.  
  
"Not because of that guy again, is it? Nino, you know what nearly happened."  
  
Yes, Nino remembered that vividly. He had only lain awake half the night thinking about it. And now he felt an all encompassing tension within himself - worse than that he had felt after he had dreamed about the man's death for the first time - that just wouldn't let go of him anymore. As if it was a cruel animal that had latched onto his heart with its claws.  
  
"Do you want an answer?" Nino tried to ask coolly. Jun grimaced.  
  
"Honestly, Nino, you shouldn't do this."  
  
A customer interrupted them. Nino saw Jun turn to him angrily and took the opportunity given to him.  
  
"See you tomorrow," he called out to his friend and hurried out. He could hear Jun say something else, but he didn't want to understand the words. What good would they do anyway? He was in way too deep by now, there was no way he could just stop.  
  
Saving lives wasn't a job you could quit.  
  
  
Luckily it wasn't hard to find a specific shop in this day and age. He just had to enter its name into his cell phone and it showed him how to get there. Yes, modern technology made life a whole lot easier.  
  
He sat on a small bench across the street from the shop and waited. While he sat there, he realized that this time he didn't even know when it would happen. The only clue he had was the time of day. It had been light out, he remembered, but the sun hadn't stood high in the sky anymore, it had already started its slow descent. Late afternoon, maybe. Nino looked at his watch, it was just gone noon. Thus he had more than enough time to find a way to prevent the accident.  
  
 _'I should get him away from the shop window very soon- no, better yet, not let him reach it at all. If he doesn't get close to the window, he should be safest,_ ' he decided, distractedly biting his pinky finger. A sign of nerves he had never noticed before. Or was this whole situation changing him?  
  
He waited an hour, then another and another. The man of his dreams was still nowhere to be seen. Again and again Nino looked at the small sign above the shop, only to reassure himself that he was waiting in front of the right shop. But it was this very one. It had to be this shop. But despite his certitude, he grew more restless by the minute.  
  
 _'Will I be able to stop him from getting himself killed while at the same time avoiding a conversation with him?_ ' he asked himself as he remembered the questioning look the man had given him the second time he had saved him. Sure, who wouldn't be surprised if this was happening to them? Nino knew that he couldn't avoid the man's questions forever. But still he kept trying; just a little longer, until it would become impossible.  
  
Suddenly someone touched his shoulder and Nino jerked involuntarily. Quickly he turned his head to the side, only to be surprised to look directly into two deep brown eyes.  
  
' _Damn it,_ ' was the only thought in his head when he saw who was standing in front of him, smiling uncertainly.  
  
"You...," the man of his dreams began nervously, but Nino sprang to his feet at once.  
  
“No. You shouldn't... But you should be...," he tried to explain what he didn't understand himself at that moment. For a second they just looked at each other before Nino took a step back. The man's hand automatically slid off his shoulder with the movement.  
  
"What should I be doing?" he pressed immediately and Nino could see a strange glimmer in his eyes. Whatever this meant, it surely couldn't be good for Nino or the situation. The growing tension within him seemingly confirmed it.  
  
"...standing at the shop window." Nino swallowed. He could see something change in the man's expression, could see a mix of surprise and fear steal over his features, distorting them grotesquely. Not in a bad way, no, it just made him more interesting,  
  
"How do you know...?"  
  
"Let's forget the _how_ for now, alright? We have to get out of here!" Nino hurriedly replied, because he could not only feel the tension. Foreboding had crept in, as well, explained by the setting sun. And the truck in the distance.  
  
Nino reached for the man's hand, pushing away thoughts of how warm and dainty it felt in his, and pulled him down the street. Puzzled brown eyes watched him, but Nino didn't stop. Neither did he stop for a new question that bubbled up in his stomach, just waiting to rise to his head and force him to deal with it. He didn't think about the fact that there could be other people in danger, that he could be saving them in a few minute's time.  
  
A loud crash made him pause. He had felt the man's shock clearly through their connected hands, wanted to stop him from looking back, but it was already too late. The man's eyes were wide with shock, staring at the truck that had buried itself in the shop window he had originally wanted to peruse.  
  
"Not again...," he breathed, trembling, making Nino shiver, "You saved my life again."  
  
And even though Nino couldn't make heads nor tails of the situation, even though he himself was caught in the tangled weave of his thoughts, the only thing he got out as they were staring at the shards of glass surrounding the truck was:  
  
"Maybe that's my purpose."


	5. Unauthorized Risk

  
_“To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself”_   
**_\- Soren Kierkegaard_ **   


  
For some inexplicable reason his hands were trembling. Nino tightened his grip on the steering wheel and tried to concentrate on the road. Everything looked more or less the same, only the posters moving past on either side of him changed from time to time. The air inside his car was muggy and stifling, but he couldn't make himself roll down the window. He couldn't make himself do anything but keep driving down the road. Aimless.  
  
His head felt like a huge sponge saturated with water that no one took the time to wring out. Full of old, obstinate thoughts without space for anything new. It drove him crazy.  
  
He wouldn't have noticed the next poster if the azure blue sky shown on it hadn't drawn him in. His speed kept him from seeing any details, but the slogan stayed with him. Fly Away With Us. Short and sweet. And if he was honest with himself, he was longing for just that right now.  
  
"The thoughts are free...," he sang quietly and it really helped. He didn't know the rest of the song's lyrics, so he just hummed a random melody. He relaxed and unwittingly closed his eyes for a second.  
  
That's why he didn't see if it was the oncoming driver's fault, or if he himself veered into the other lane. He only felt the hard impact as the two cars crashed against each other, felt an immense jolt go through his body and for a moment he thought he would be catapulted straight out of the windshield. But the seatbelt prevented the worst from happening and the airbag in the steering wheel inflated and cushioned the blow. Nino had been extremely lucky and had he been able to think clearly at that moment, he would have noticed that he had had a little _too much_ luck.  
  
But as it was he only tried to get out of his car as quickly as possible. It seemed as if hours had passed until he finally managed to open his seatbelt.  
  
His mind was doing somersaults in his head, encased in thick cotton wool that made thinking impossible.  
  
He didn't feel any pain as he gathered all his strength to shove the car door open. But he felt an overwhelming dizziness sweep over him when he tried to reach the other car. He could hardly walk in straight line. But his efforts were for naught; through the dented windshield of the other car two dead eyes stared at him, surrounded by deep red blood. Nevertheless Nino recognized the brown hair immediately. His delicate features - distorted as they were by shock and death - didn't lie, this was definitely the man of his dreams.  
  
Nino gasped for breath and woke up.  
  
  
  
' _This time it's really my fault he died_ ,' he thought as he ripped his eyes open. It felt good to be able to think again, during the dream he had felt as if he was drunk. When his gaze fell onto the empty wine bottle next to his bed, he figured out why.  
  
Still tired beyond belief, Nino closed his eyes again and tried to relax for a little while longer. It was still dark outside, way too early to get up. He even fell asleep again, but this time he didn't dream.  
  
When he woke up again half an hour later he had forgotten his dream almost completely.  
  
"Damn it! This can't be happening," he cursed loudly, immediately running into the bathroom where he splashed cold water onto his face. His head was clear again, but the memories didn't come back. All he could remember were the dead eyes and the blood. Everything else was blurred and he couldn't concentrate on it. He only ever saw this one snapshot. The eyes. It drove him crazy.  
  
"This can’t be happening! But I have to save him! I have to-," a sob interrupted him. It had formed in his throat and surprised him. Only now did he realize that he had tears in his eyes. Despair had snuck up on him and wrapped itself around him like a dark veil. It was slowly becoming too much. Too much had happened, too many feelings had bombarded him and there were way too many thoughts in his head. He couldn't take it anymore.  
  
  
"You didn't drink your coffee yesterday," Jun scolded him jokingly, trying on vain to lift his mood. All morning long Nino had tried to remember the details of his dream, to see more than just the eyes that were haunting him.  
  
"And now you're not talking to me," Jun added, amused. Nino only rolled his eyes at him in annoyance. A napkin was lying in front of him and he had been trying to sketch what he had seen the night before for quite some time. Maybe something would come to light that could help him. But when only two eyes, some hair and a slightly too long nose appeared on the napkin, he gave up. Not even his subconscious seemed to remember something.  
  
"Nino, at least drink your coffee today," Jun griped.  
  
  
Nino left Jun's café with way too much warm coffee in his stomach and a few doodles on a napkin; but he hadn't made any real progress. Sadly he climbed into his car and not for the first time that day asked himself why he hadn't taken the train like he usually did. Jun's café was located close to his apartment and Nino was no friend of unnecessary car journeys. It was considerably more expensive and the roads were congested around the clock after all. Nevertheless his car keys had been in his hand when he had left the house that morning. And the fact that he had taken the keys from the key rack without noticing woke the mysterious wish to take the car instead of the train.  
  
  
  
Ohno Satoshi was obsessed in every which way. He knew he wasn't himself anymore since the stranger had entered his mind. Ever since he had saved his life at the train station and disappeared immediately, he wanted to meet him again. Since he had saved him from the iron girders on the construction site, Ohno had to see him again. And since he had prevented him from being run over by the truck, Ohno knew that he wouldn't be able to resist any longer.  
  
He was obsessed with his mysterious savior.  
  
There was a lot he didn't understand, but with each time the stranger saved his life, he cared less about it. Of course he was surprised every time - who wouldn't be? - but he was more concerned with finding a way to get his savior to talk to him. Couldn't he see how Ohno longed for it? How important it was to Ohno to get to know him?  
  
Ohno thought he had succeeded when he had seen the young man wait in front of the fishing equipment shop. He thought it had been _the_ chance. How should he have suspected that it was just another attempt to save his life? And that he would find another opportunity to bolt as soon as the fire brigade, an ambulance and an unnecessary horde of spectators had arrived?  
  
But the corners of Ohno's mouth twitched when he thought about the man's last words. They had given him an idea.  
  
  
 _'I have to see him again. I have to talk to him. There's no way around it!_ ' ran through his mind again and again as he tightened his grip on the cool steering wheel. Ohno swallowed and started the engine. He drove aimlessly for some time before he turned onto a long, deserted road. Even though he was obsessed with meeting his savior again, a small part of his subconscious still tried to dissuade him. That's why he was driving down this road - in hopes that no one would come toward him.  
  
' _The first car I see, that will be the one. Because I have to see you again. And you will only come if I am in danger. You said so yourself, didn't you? It's your duty to save me.'_  
  
Ohno Satoshi wasn't the type of person to risk lives needlessly. On the contrary he was a loving and sweet-tempered person by nature. But he was obsessed. And this obsession kept him from considering that his plan could put other people in danger as well.  
  
  
  
Nino just wanted to go home in order to try and remember the details of his dream in the peace and quiet of his own four walls. Being under a deadline was getting to him. He knew that come nightfall it would be too late, that he would only have to turn on the TV then to look into the dead eyes of the man he desperately wanted to save. He had to hurry.  
  
That's why he didn't understand that he suddenly had the urge to take a detour.  
  
It was only when he drove along a street that seemed strangely familiar, even though he was sure he had never been there before, that the thought that his subconscious remembered more of the dream than he had thought crept up on him.  
  
' _Something happened here... here on this street_ ,' he remembered. The tension was back, his breath rang loud and clear in his ears. It had happened here. And it had something to do with him driving. Was he meant to save him from a car accident?  
  
When he saw a familiar car coming toward him, Nino suddenly remembered everything:  
  
He had to save him from himself.  
  
He didn't think about it, he just did the first thing that came to mind. He jerked the wheel to the side and drove straight into one of the huge billboards on the side of the road. For a few seconds he felt the adrenalin pump through his veins, then his body was jerked forwards, followed by unspeakable pain. With the last of his strength he lifted his head a little, only to see the deep blue poster through the dented windshield. Then everything went black.  
  
  
  
Stunned, Ohno stared at the car he had planned to crash into. The whole time he had been driving down the street, only this one car had come towards him; and just now when he was about to cause the accident, it drove into a billboard? He hadn't given the other driver any indication of what he was about to do that could have made him swerve.  
  
But now the car lay in the ditch.  
  
As if this had been what he needed, Ohno suddenly realized the gravity of what he had been about to do. He suddenly understood what had been at stake. Understood the scope of his urge to see one man again.  
  
It was like a punch to the gut when he discovered the man he had wanted to see again so badly unconscious in the other car.


	6. The Importance of Saving Lives

  
_“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.”_   
**_\- Arthur Miller_ **   


  
He couldn't make out the man's face. Every time he tried to concentrate on the stranger's head, all he could see was a small, dark spot. It was as if he had looked into the sun for too long.  
  
He could only watch the man sneak forward without being noticed by the other man. The man that had his back turned on both of them; the man Nino didn't even have to look at to recognize - the man of his dreams.  
  
Nino wanted to warn him, wanted to call out to him, but he couldn't gather sufficient strength to open his mouth. It felt as if there was an iron mask on his face that prevented him from moving. Not even his lips were excluded. That's why he could only watch as the stranger reached the edge of the roof, came to stand right behind the man of his dreams and reached out.  
  
Nino couldn't even scream as he pushed him off the roof.  
  
  
  
He wasn't in his own bed. That was the first thing he noticed when his mind had shaken off the nightmare. Then he felt the pain.  
  
‘ _Jesus, what is-?,_ ' but while he was asking the question, the memories of the accident came back to him. The first time he tried to open his eyes he failed pitifully. His whole body was numb, just like it had been in his dream. No wonder he hadn't been able to move. He could hear a steady beeping, which, now that he thought about it, rang very shrilly in his ears.  
  
Once again he tried to open his eyes, slowly, gingerly. He sighed in relief when he succeeded, even though the whole world was dreadfully blurry at first. The beeping of the machine next to him became even more ghastly, banging so loudly inside his head that for a moment he thought it would explode. Nino grimaced at the thought. He had seen too many gruesome spectacles lately; and even though they had only happened in his dreams so far, they had been real enough.  
  
When his surroundings finally moved into focus, the door to his right opened suddenly.  
  
"Nino!" Jun yelled worriedly, rushing to his bedside. Nino had apparently looked confused, because he added right away: "You're in the hospital."  
  
He would have liked to laugh at Jun in that moment, but he didn't dare. Something was pressing down on his ribcage and before Nino wasn't one hundred percent sure that he wouldn't put himself in mortal danger by laughing, he thought it best not to do anything of the kind.  
  
"You don't say," he answered quietly instead, wondering at his voice. It sounded wrong somehow, as if it didn't belong to him.  
  
Jun ignored his dry answer completely, pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down on it with a sigh. Nino wondered how long he had been unconscious.  
  
"They told me you drove straight into a poster. What happened? Did you fall asleep? Damn, Nino, this is dangerous," the words just kept coming and Nino had to really concentrate to catch them all. The machine next to him continued beeping cheerfully.  
  
"I could prevent a worse accident, that's all that-," he faltered. Suddenly the images of his most recent dream came back to him. "Jun, I have to-, damn it, the roof. Someone wants to throw him off the roof!"  
  
Quickly Nino sat up, but that was a mistake. He gasped when a sharp pain pierced his ribcage. It felt as if someone had rammed a long knife into his chest - even though he didn't know how that would feel.  
  
"Hold on! Calm down. The doctor said you shouldn't move much," Jun admonished him immediately, but the worry in his voice took the sting out of his words.  
  
Nino only shook his head, "Jun, you don't understand. He is going to die! What did I save him for all these times, if I can't stop him from being killed now?"  
  
"So let me save him," Jun said with determination.  
  
For a few seconds there was no beeping anymore, everything around him fell silent as Nino gave his friend a shocked look. Then he hesitantly averted his eyes.  
  
He only had to tell Jun when and where it would happen and he could save the man of his dreams. But the thought, as obvious as it was, suddenly bothered him. Wasn't it his, Ninomiya Kazunari's, task to save this man's life? Wasn't _he_ his savior? But on the other hand he had contemplated letting him die not too long ago.  
  
Confused by this new feeling, Nino stared at the ceiling for a while.  
  
"It happens here, on the hospital roof. He's standing at the edge, someone else sneaks up on him and pushes him off," Nino recounted suddenly, trying not to sound as sullen as he felt. He could however not gage how successful he had been.  
  
"And when?" Jun asked, concentrating hard.  
  
Nino closed his eyes for a second and tried to remember something, anything, that could help him tell the time of day it had happened. He was sure there had been something there. He had seen a clock, a big, electronic one that showed time and temperature in turns.  
  
"Eleven... no, twelve o'clock. Roughly 12:20," Nino tried to look around for a clock, but every movement, no matter how small, hurt, making it impossible for him to really move. He turned back to Jun just in time to see his horrified expression.  
  
"In ten minutes!" Jun sprang up. Nino wanted to call after him and tell him to be careful, but Jun had already left the room.  
  
  
When Jun wasn't back after half an hour, Nino started to worry. After all there had been a man on the roof who had apparently wanted to kill the man of his dreams. What if Jun had gotten involved in something, that Nino should by rights be involved in? What if he hadn't succeeded? What if Nino would turn on the TV and see the dead face of the man of his dreams - if there was still something left of him?  
  
Nino couldn’t bear the uncertainty.  
  
 _'I hope they're both alright. I will never forgive myself if something happened to them_ ,' he thought bitterly. And as if all that had been needed had been that one thought, he suddenly realized how much the man of his dreams, for all that he didn't know him, meant to him. Nino had been asking himself for years why he had these dreams. But now, since they had taken a dangerous turn, an explanation was slowly creeping up on him: Maybe it was fate.  
  
  
All of a sudden there was a knock on the door and Nino flinched. He felt the familiar tension in every fiber of his being while he turned his head to the door with great effort. Why did his body have to be so broken? He felt like a wreck.  
  
"Nino," he heard Jun's voice, before he could even see him completely.  
  
"God, Jun! You wouldn't believe how relieved I am! Don't make me wait-," but Nino's words got literally stuck in his throat. It wasn't only Jun who was slowly entering his room, his guilt plainly visible on his face; behind him stood no one else but the man of his dreams.  
  
"Sorry, but I couldn't get rid of him. Besides, I think it is high time you two had a talk. Really." And as if that wasn't enough, Jun started smiling. Nino would have liked nothing more than to slap him in that moment. And not just lightly either.  
  
"Hello... Ninomiya-san," the man of his dreams began shyly. Nino sighed loudly, Jun had told him his name as well.  
  
“I am Ohno Satoshi.”


	7. The Man of Dreams And His Savior

  
And the story that no one knows begins  
 **_\- Lotus / Arashi_ **  


 

Nino watched every step Ohno Satoshi took closely. His eyes were locked on him, not allowing even the smallest movement to escape him. His feelings were mixed.  
  
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," Ohno said, carefully still; but Nino concentrated only on the movements of his lips. Then all of a sudden fear struck.  
  
 _'I have to talk to him. He will ask questions galore and expect answers. Answers I should have given him a long time ago,_ ' Nino abruptly realized.  
  
When Nino didn't answer because he thought he had forgotten how to form words for a moment, Ohno looked at Jun uncertainly. Let Jun give him answers, he was the one who had gotten Nino into this situation anyway. Let Jun tell him what was going on, let him _explain_ what was happening to Nino. That such a mysterious connection had been established between him and Ohno.  
  
But to the displeasure of Nino, Jun did no such thing. He only smiled encouragingly and backed away. "I'll leave the two of you alone for a bit," was the last thing he said before he left the hospital room.  
  
An immense pressure suddenly weighed on him. As if he was the one buried beneath iron girders this time.  
  
Ohno pulled a chair up to the bed.  
  
"Ninomiya-san...," he began again and for a short moment Nino thought about just ignoring him. How long would this Ohno try to get an answer out of him? But he quickly discarded the idea - after everything that had happened, Ohno was surely prepared to do a lot to get answers.  
  
Not that he was trying to make him do anything anyway.  
  
"Ohno-san," Nino therefore answered carefully. But said no more than that for now.  
  
He expected the words to come gushing out of Ohno now. That he would bombard him with thousands of questions. _Why are you there whenever I'm in danger? Why do you save me?_  
  
How do you know all of this?   
  
The questions Nino had been asking himself as well all this time. But after a moment of silence Ohno only asked,  
  
"Is there something special between us?"  
  
Nino could only stare at him, perplex.  
  
“What...”  
  
\- was wrong with this guy? Nino didn't understand what was going through his head, even though he had thought he knew everything about him until only a few moments ago. Yes, he had even thought he knew him inside out without ever having met him. These dreams he had had all these years, they were like an alter ego hidden away somewhere inside of him. Something he knew in all its facets.  
  
This man, who was sitting in front of him now, was someone else entirely.  
  
"Something special...?" Nino repeated after a moment, confused. Ohno, who had been watching him patiently this whole time, nodded at once.  
  
"You're my savior after all. That's enough to be called 'special', right?"  
  
In lieu of the questioning look, a smile appeared on Ohno's face. As if this that been enough to resolve things between them. As if it was that easy.  
  
Nino shook his head, bewildered, "You are here to ask me, if there's something _special_ between us? Nothing else? I'm lying here, frantically trying to figure out how to explain why I dream of you every damn night and you... ask _this_?"  
  
A hint of disapproval could be seen in Ohno's eyes for a moment, but before Nino could make it out properly it was already gone again. But Ohno wasn't smiling anymore. Instead the look he gave Nino said quite clearly that he thought Nino had just said something really stupid.  
  
"You can't explain fate." He shrugged his shoulders. His indifference was suddenly too much for Nino.  
  
"It might be really easy for you, you know! You don't have this shitty responsibility, _you_ don't have to play life saver. So go on, continue to put yourself in danger, _fate_ will surely save you again and again."  
  
His sudden bout of anger had made Nino forget that he had only just woken up after a terrible accident. That he was in the hospital - not without just cause - and that there was a thick bandage wrapped around his chest, beneath which a sudden, horrible pain developed.  
  
"Damn...," he gasped, pressing his hand to his chest, but he couldn't stop the ever growing pain.  
  
"Shh... calm down. Slowly now." Ohno had sprung to his feet immediately and Nino felt his hand on his shoulder, stroking it gently, reassuringly. "Try to take deep breaths."  
  
The pain receded again quickly. Apparently Nino just shouldn't get upset.  
  
"It's... ok," he confirmed quietly. For a moment they stayed like this, Ohno with his warm hand still on Nino's shoulder and Nino, whose breathing was slowing down again and whose face was slowly relaxing out of its pained grimace, with his hands still pressed against his chest. Then Ohno let himself fall back onto his chair.  
  
"So you have dreams about me?" he finally asked and it was once more Nino's turn to look surprised. Shouldn't he have asked this right away?  
  
  
After a while Jun came back, just when Nino was talking about the first time Ohno had died in his dreams. Ohno was looking very interested throughout all of it, but it seemed to Nino as if Ohno was listening to a good story, not knowing that he was the main character.  
  
Jun had brought back some snacks for them, putting them down on a low table while his gaze rested first on Ohno, then on Nino. He smiled silently.  
  
"The thing at the construction site was pretty sickening. Not very pretty, watching someone be bludgeoned to death by iron girders, I tell you." Nino smiled slightly, somehow the air between them had changed since he had started talking about his dreams. Ohno was in no way demanding and that did Nino a lot of good. He didn't have to explain things to him, he just told him what had happened - without trying to make sense of it.  
  
"And then the shop for fishing equipment. I didn't even want you to see me, but suddenly you were standing next to me."  
  
All of a sudden something changed in Ohno's interestedly amused gaze. He scrunched up his eyebrows and frowned.  
  
"Why did you always run away from me?" he asked seriously.  
  
Nino hadn't expected the sudden question. For a long moment he just looked at Ohno, lost in thought. If there was one question Ohno deserved an answer to, it was surely this.  
  
"Because I was afraid," Nino therefore answered shortly, turning away from him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jun irresolutely shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "I have dreamed of you so many times, but I never knew if you really existed. And to see you standing in front of me, that—, it was—, it scared me. Because I don't know why all of this is happening."  
  
"I don't know why either," Ohno only whispered in reply and an ice cold shudder suddenly ran down Nino's spine. It was as if Ohno knew more than he was saying, as if he was aware of something that would stay hidden from Nino for a long time still. But one look into Ohno's eyes showed that he was just as clueless as Nino himself. It grated on him. Someone had to know what was going on with them.  
  
Immediately Jun butted in. "Maybe it's something like fate?"  
  
This time Nino really laughed out loud.  
  
"If both of you say it, there has to be something to it."  
  
When Ohno joined in his laughter the rest of the discomfort had fled the hospital room and finally made way for happier feelings. Nino hadn't expected the mood to lighten this quickly, but he was grateful for it. A meeting of the man of his dreams and his savior had been bound to occur after all and he didn't want it to end in an argument.  
  
  
But when Ohno disappeared into the bathroom, it only needed a few words to bring the oppressive atmosphere back full force.  
  
"He told me not to burden you with it, but I think it's too important to keep quiet, Nino. Up on the roof, there was this man you dreamed about. He would have pushed Ohno-san off the roof if I hadn't intervened. He would have killed him," Jun said quickly, his gaze wandering to the door even though Ohno had only been gone for a few seconds.  
  
Nino suddenly had to swallow hard, his eyes widened. He had completely forgotten about that.  
  
"Do you think someone is after him?" he asked, startled.  
  
"Maybe not only him. Look, it's just a thought, but what if, what if someone—"  
  
But Nino completed the sentence for him, his face white as a sheet.  
  
"... knew about us."  
  
Jun only nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line.  
  
"Did you get anything out of the man? Maybe... maybe he knows what is happening, maybe he has answers to all of this. Where is he? You didn't let him go, right?" Nino asked at once, only barely able to stop himself.  
  
But Jun just looked at his feet shamefacedly, avoiding Nino's eyes, and answered quietly: "He was gone before I could do anything. I couldn't even see his face."  
  
"I understand." Nino didn't even try to hide the disappointment in his voice.  
  
Then Ohno came back, unsuspecting, and sat down next to Nino's bed again with a soft smile. Nino only looked at him for a long moment, thinking about the talk he had just had with Jun and that there might be a lot more at stake than he had originally thought.  
  
"So where do we go from here?" Ohno asked uncertainly after a few minutes, obviously confused by Nino's stare. But Nino only grinned.  
  
"From now on you will visit me every day."


	8. Standstill

_„Ich will sie nicht mehr, diese Feuer in der Nacht,_  
in meinem Kopf, in meinem Kopf will ich den Tag.“  
(“I don’t want them anymore, the fires in the night  
In my head, in my head I want the day.”)  
 **\- Früchte des Zorns / In meinem Kopf ist eine Bombe**

  
Suddenly the dreams stopped.  
  
At first Nino thought he had only forgotten what he had dreamed about when he woke up in the morning. Panicking, he had called Ohno to come to the hospital at once and downright forced him to stay by his side for as long as possible. But that day nothing happened.  
  
The next day brought with it the same procedure: again he didn't dream and again there was no life-threatening situation to save Ohno from. Nevertheless a perpetual tension took hold of Nino; a fear he hadn't known was so potent. He was afraid _for_ Ohno.  
  
But the two weeks he spent in the hospital he needn't have worried about Ohno. Nothing happened. And it was this that drove Nino even crazier.  
  
"Do you really think you're ok to go home? You don't really look fit," Jun asked, his face anxious as he lifted Nino's suitcase off the bed. Ohno was standing in the background, mimicking his expression perfectly.  
  
"I _never_ look fit, you should know that by now. And who knows, maybe the dreams will come back when I'm back in my own bed at night," Nino answered stubbornly, his hands on his hips. Jun only shook his head.  
  
"You had a dream your first night here, remember? I don't think it has anything to do with that."  
  
"And what if it does? It's worth a try, at least!"  
  
"And one day you even had a dream in my café, Nino."  
  
Nino had been so caught up in his argument with Jun that he hadn't noticed Ohno stepping in front of him. He was now looking at him strangely. Nino looked back with raised eyebrows.  
  
"Why do you want them to come back?" Ohno asked curtly. He wasn't a man of many words, Nino had noticed over the last two weeks. He had noticed a lot.  
  
 _'I can't tell him that I miss them. What will he think? I don't even know why I suddenly feel the need to see him in my dreams again.'_ He turned away, indecisively staring at his fingers. Ohno couldn't find out what was going on inside of him since the dreams had stopped.  
  
Ohno apparently took note of his silence. He only looked at him for a moment longer, but he didn't ask again. Nino could positively feel Jun's strange, piercing sidelong glance, but he didn't react.  
  
  
Ohno accompanied them to Nino's home, grinning contentedly when he and Jun managed to force Nino into bed right away.  
  
"But— I spent all the time in the hospital in—," Nino complained, but Jun's strong grip made resistance futile. With a huff Nino leaned back in his bed, defeated, and avoided his friend's laughing eyes. Sure, he didn't feel particularly fit and his chest still hurt every now and then when he breathed, but Nino felt incredibly useless. What had he achieved over the last few weeks since he had come into contact with Ohno? What had he learned about their strange connection?  
  
Nothing.  
  
His initial frustration had long ago given way to dull helplessness, a feeling Nino didn't know how to deal with.  
  
"Didn't you want to sleep for a while anyway? To see if you will dream here? I'll just go into the living room with Ohno-kun. Call if you need anything."  
  
Ohno smiled at him once more, but Nino only looked away grimly. Neither of them would understand, even if he'd try to explain what was going on with him. It was because neither of them had ever had these dreams, these premonitions, this perfect deja-vu.  
  
Nino slowly closed his eyes, tried to give himself up to the growing lethargy, seeking slumber, which he then wrapped around himself like a blanket, waiting to sink into the world of his dreams. But a cautious knock on the door yanked him out again immediately.  
  
“Nino? I thought before you have to get up...," Jun whispered, darting into the room and putting a glass of water down on Nino's bedside table. For a moment he smiled softly at him before he quickly left the room again.  
  
Maybe Jun hadn't deserved to take the brunt of his bad mood earlier.  
  
He gulped down the glass's contents. And fell asleep right away.  
  
  
  
There was a veil in front of his eyes. It blurred his vision, coloring everything a hazy gray. A veil he couldn't grasp, that stayed consistent, no matter how often he rubbed his eyes. They began to hurt because he had tried so often.  
  
"... full of stars."  
  
Somewhere a voice sounded, so quiet he could hardly hear it. Nino turned around, squinted his eyes to see better through the veil. Someone was standing back there.  
  
"... the world is full of stars."  
  
Someone was standing back there and _singing_.  
  
At first it was curiosity that made Nino walk towards the singer. When he recognized the familiar silhouette halfway there curiosity became the usual compulsion and Nino broke into a light run.  
  
Ohno didn't seem to have noticed him and only continued singing:  
  
"We're all in the gutter and the world is full of stars."  
  
Over and over again he sang the same line; a far-away look in his eyes. Even when Nino came to a stop in front of him and nudged his shoulder, he continued singing for a while before he finally seemed to realize that he wasn't alone.  
  
Relieved that Ohno was looking at him, Nino opened his mouth, but the words got stuck in his throat.  
  
Ohno's mouth had stretched into a wide grin. But it wasn't the gentle smile Nino was used to. Something was wrong, his mouth was too wide, almost reaching his ears. The strange deformation of Ohno's features scared Nino to death.  
  
"There's a bomb in my head."  
  
Ohno laughed. The veil in front of Nino's eyes darkened.  
  
"What... what are you saying?" he asked, trembling, tried to swallow the queasy feeling rising in his throat.  
  
"No matter what you do, there's always something inside of you. And it will always be screaming. And if you try to smother it, Nino, you'll smother yourself."  
  
"Ohno... what...?" Nino stuttered, more than upset. He only wanted one thing: for Ohno to stop this nonsense. His fear grew bigger and bigger, becoming so big that Nino was afraid he wouldn't be able to breathe soon.  
  
"Everybody is a bomb."  
  
His eyes were burning and Nino only noticed now that he was continuously rubbing them. That the veil had gotten even darker and he couldn't quite see Ohno anymore.  
  
"Ohno... please... Stop this. What about—?" Nino began in a rush, but was again cut off by Ohno. His arm was suddenly gripped tightly enough to hurt. He wanted to scream, but the sound that left his lips was more of a croak. Then Ohno started to shake him, again and again; he wouldn't stop, all the while mumbling under his breath and it took a while until Nino made out the words:  
  
"Where is your cage, Nino?"  
  
  
  
Gasping for breath he woke up from his dream, sitting up straight in his bed. Sweeping his sweat-soaked hair off his forehead, he needed a few minutes to recover. The nightmare sat deep in his bones, pushed him back into the bed as he tried to shake off the feel of Ohno's fingers around his arms.  
  
"What... was that?" he breathed tonelessly into the silence, shaking himself one more time and then another. The feeling didn't go away. After a few minutes he noticed that his eyes were still burning. He must have really rubbed them during the dream.  
  
Exhaustion made itself known when he could hardly lift his arm to reach for the glass. His limbs were so heavy, he could hardly move them. When had his dreams started to sap his strength?  
  
It happened quickly, out of nowhere he suddenly remembered that he had just had a dream about the man of his dreams. It had felt completely natural to dream of Ohno, no matter how strangely he had acted during the dream, so it took a moment until Nino realized that what he had longed for for weeks had finally happened.  
  
 _'And Ohno-kun didn't die_ ,' he confirmed in his thoughts, unconsciously biting his lower lip. He thought back to his dream again, to the fears that had plagued him upon waking and that didn't seem to want to let go of him. To Ohno's disfigured grin.  
  
The glass fell to the floor and burst into a thousand shards with a loud clank. Nino hadn't noticed that he was still holding it in his hand and was now staring dumbfounded at the pile of shards in front of him.  
  
When Ohno rushed into the room, closely followed by Jun, and Nino looked into his worried eyes, something inside him broke.  
  
 _'There's a bomb in my head,'_ Ohno's voice echoed through his gloomy bedroom. Nino's body wasn't obeying him as he sprang out of the bed, ran through the shards with his bare feet and straight to Ohno. His body wasn't listening to him as he hugged Ohno tightly, pressed his face against his warm, trembling chest and silently wished someone would chase the images from his mind.  
  
But something within him told Nino that his body was indeed listening to him. That it had just followed an urge deep within him.  
  
Ohno, at first tense and motionless, didn't need long to lift his arms and press Nino even tighter to himself. He drew soothing lines on his back, again and again, and Nino thought he could even feel his face in his hair. His warm breath on the skin of his head.  
  
"Did he die?" Jun breathed from somewhere close by, but Nino hardly noticed, shook his head instinctively, simply because it was the only think that made sense to him in that moment.  
  
"What's the matter then?" asked another voice, closer and softer. The loving tone of Ohno's words felt good, fought valiantly against the pressing sensation in his chest.  
  
"You didn't act like yourself," Nino murmured in reply, too afraid to speak the words out loud. He didn't want to provoke anything. "You told me you had a bomb in your head."  
  
The hand on Nino's back paused in its movements immediately and he could hear and more importantly feel Ohno take a deep breath. He didn't say anything, but he didn't continue stroking his back either. Ohno only kept his arms around him and Nino could hear his heart begin to race.


	9. Dreamlike Feelings

_“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see,_  
but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”  
 **\- unknown**

  
“A bomb?” Jun asked after a long moment, as if it had taken this long for him to really understand Nino's words. “But that's... that can't be, can it? That simply can't be. And anyway, he... didn't die. Most likely it was just a weird nightmare. Not one of your premonitions.”  
  
Nino only answered with a quiet sound of agreement, unable to make himself talk. His arms still wrapped tightly around Ohno, he slowly lifted his head to look into his eyes. Ohno's face was drawn, his gaze lost somewhere in mid-air. His lips were pressed into a tight line. Nino didn't want to know what this expression meant. So he buried his face in Ohno's chest again and tried to concentrate only on his enticing scent. His warmth.  
  
“You should lie down again,” Ohno said softly, pushing lightly against Nino's shoulders. When he took a step forward and forced Nino to step back, Nino felt pain shoot through his feet. He breathed in sharply and tried at once to shift his weight to his toes, so he didn't have to set his whole foot on the ground. Jun noticed what had happened at once.  
  
“You're hurt!” he exclaimed and rushed to his side. Ohno also suddenly lost his calm, looking at him with wide eyes before trailing his gaze down his body to the feet Nino was trying not to put too much weight on. Nino followed his gaze and it was only then that he saw the shards. Suddenly he could feel each and every one where they cut deep into his flesh along with the traitorous slickness that let him know that they had drawn blood.  
  
But he had no idea why there had been shards on the floor in the first place. Or when he had stepped into them.  
  
“It's not too bad. I... I just have to...,” Nino began, even though he had no idea what it was he wanted to say. His mind was in chaos. He looked to Ohno again, more automatically than consciously, and tried to find the comfort he had radiated only moments before. It worked.  
  
“Let's get you to bed so you can sit down. Careful, now,” Ohno said and guided him back to the bed. Then he lifted Nino's legs so he could take a good look at the soles of his feet. A relieved sigh escaped his lips. “It's not so bad, just a couple small cuts. But in the future you need to pay more attention to where you're going, you can't just run into my arms.”  
  
Nino heard Jun chuckle quietly and for a moment he asked himself if maybe he was still dreaming.  
  
“I'll get some water,” Jun said when Ohno pushed Nino back until he was lying on the bed. Nino didn't resist. In a dark corner deep inside his mind, the thought that Ohno could have done anything to him in that moment and he would have let him, materialized. He was still too caught up in his dream, too confused by Ohno's sudden tenderness and care, to think clearly. He almost felt as if he had had too much to drink.  
  
“Does it hurt a lot?”  
  
Nino scrunched up his nose, but tried to smile. “It's not too bad.”  
  
“Maybe I really do have a bomb in my head.”  
  
He needed a moment to understand what Ohno had just said. Confused, Nino stared at him as a terrifying weight settled in his stomach. He swallowed but stayed silent for the moment. Ohno's voice had sounded as if he wasn't done speaking yet.  
  
“But it's not really a bomb. At least... well. Have you ever heard of a meningioma?” Nino shook his head. Ohno continued right away, a strained smile on his lips: “I hadn't either. It's a kind of benign brain tumor that mostly older people get, around fifty. I guess I'm an exception to that rule. You can operate on it, take it out, but that's very expensive. And if this meningioma isn't growing, like in my case, it's not dangerous. It can stay in.” He shrugged his shoulders and Nino swallowed again. The weight in his stomach hadn't receded one bit.  
  
“So that means you're running around with a tumor in your brain? I mean- are they sure it's not dangerous? Can they even be sure with something like this?” Nino pressed immediately and tried to sit up in his bed again. But Ohno pushed him down again, tenderly but decisively.  
  
“I trust my doctor, yes,” he answered tonelessly. Nino suddenly felt sorry he had asked. “I just don't know what your dream is trying to tell us,” Ohno added and turned to look at the door.  
  
Something else rose within Nino and he had to close his eyes for a moment. The question what his dream was supposed to mean was just one in a long line of questions that had come up in the last few years. What had his earlier dreams of Ohno meant? And what about the strange premonitions? It was just like that, even if this time there hadn't been a threat to Ohno's life. But it was the same because once again Nino had learned something he shouldn't have known because of his dreams.  
  
“We must really be something special. And this... between us, is too.” The words had come much quicker than Nino had expected them to come. Only a few days earlier, when Ohno had visited him in the hospital, their simplicity had enraged him. Now he had reached a point at which it seemed the only plausible explanation for what was happening to them.  
  
Ohno's breathtaking smile made his heart skip a beat.  
  
  
After Jun had finally come back, looking a bit sheepish because he didn't know Nino's apartment as well as he had thought, Ohno had spent a long time taking care of Nino's wounds. Both his feet were bandaged now and even if he felt as if he was back in hospital, helpless and dependent on others, he enjoyed Ohno's attentions immensely. That's why he didn't hesitate when Ohno offered to stay the night with him. He had noticed Jun's knowing grin, but chose to simply ignore it.  
  
It wasn't long before he fell asleep.  
  
  
  
He was in his apartment. Even though he had never seen the bed he was in or the rest of the furniture around him, he knew deep down that this was his apartment.  
  
Nino sat up slowly, carefully lifted the blanket off his legs and set his feet down on the soft carpet. The soles of his feet still hurt a little, but it was manageable. The bandages had vanished. He moved his toes to make sure they were really his feet, then he stood up. In the room next door there was light, some of which made its way to him through the crack beneath the door. Nino took a few hesitant steps and was glad when the pain didn't get worse.  
  
Next door in the living room someone was lying on the sofa. Nino took a step closer, but he had known who was sleeping on his sofa the minute he had stepped into the room. After all, he had offered Ohno the sofa only the night before.  
  
“I'm dreaming, right?” he asked himself quietly, even though he had known the answer ever since he had opened his eyes. This was one of those dreams that gave him more freedom. In which he could work with the knowledge that he was dreaming.  
  
Or use his knowledge for other goals.  
  
' _He'll never know_ ,' a little voice in his head encouraged him as he knelled down next to Ohno and reached out his hand to touch him. His fingers lightly touched Ohno's hair, then they moved very carefully over his cheek down to his throat. Then he pulled his hand back and waited for Ohno to stop moving again.  
  
His skin had felt incredibly soft and warm.  
  
“Ninomiya-san?” Ohno's tired voice asked as he slowly opened his eyes and sat up slightly. Nino smiled softly, lifted his arm again and tenderly caressed Ohno's arm. Ohno smiled back and that was all the encouragement Nino needed. He leaned towards Ohno and very lightly pressed his lips against the other man's in order to find out what it would be like to kiss him.  
  
It felt so much better than anything he could have imagined. Neither of them hesitated, neither needed time to get used to the other in their confusion. It was as if their lips had been meant to meet from the beginning. Everything just fit.  
  
Nino could do whatever he liked, could simply let himself fall, because it was just a dream. A dream that was his alone, with all his feelings and desires. And he did just that, letting himself fall without a second thought, when he felt Ohno's arms around him. It wasn't long before he found himself on the sofa with Ohno as close to him as possible. He felt him everywhere, his warmth and his sweet smell filled him and made his heart beat faster and faster. He felt his pulse race and thought he wouldn't be able to stand the next wave of emotions crashing into him when Ohno's lips met his again.  
  
This was the best dream he had ever had. In all these years. And suddenly the darkness surrounding them didn't seem as oppressive anymore, the fear of failure not as strong and the pressure that had weighed down his shoulders felt somehow lighter. All of a sudden he could forget about the responsibility that normally held his soul captive, at least for the moment.  
  
This dream was unique and existed only for one reason – so he could enjoy it. Nobody was going to die, nobody needed to be saved.  
  
“Nino,” Ohno breathed against his lips and his name had never sounded sweeter.  
  
“Sorry... for taking advantage,” he whispered back before his mouth covered Ohno's once more.  
  
Then something changed.  
  
The feeling had started out as a light pull, had crept up on him without him noticing it but was suddenly stronger than ever before. It was as if someone was trying to tear his mind from his head and his soul from his body. It grew stronger and stronger and suddenly there was only darkness.  
  
But it didn't last long because he simply had to open his eyes again to chase the darkness away. And when he did, he found himself looking right into Ohno's eyes. Everything was the way it had been before. He was still lying on top of Ohno's warm body, on his sofa, somewhere in the depths of his dream. But something had changed.  
  
“What's wrong?” Ohno asked uncertainly, almost fearfully. The confusion caused by the strange pull must have been written all over Nino's face and maybe Ohno was interpreting it the wrong way.  
  
“What happened just now? Did- did you feel that, too?” Nino's voice trembled and he couldn't do anything about it.  
  
“What? I... no. What are you talking about?” Ohno's uncertainty grew. Nino could see it in his eyes.  
  
Even in the darkened room. When Nino realized that the lights were suddenly off, he pushed himself up immediately, leaning heavily on the back of the sofa. Before the strange pulling sensation had taken a hold of him the lights had definitely been on.  
  
“Did you turn them off?” Nino swallowed and tried to push the realization away that was slowly manifesting itself in his head. Tried to push it far away.  
  
“No. I didn’t see anyth- what? I didn't do anything.” By now, Ohno had sat up as well. “What's the matter with you? What happened just now, was that not-?”  
  
Nino felt the bandages on his feet and suddenly he understood.  
  
“I woke up,” quietly left his lips. He had to voice his thought to make himself believe it, then he looked at Ohno, at his red, puffy lips and the confusion in his eyes.  
  
' _But it wasn't just a dream.'_


	10. The Truth

_“But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.”_   
**_\- Umberto Eco_ **

  
Ohno's gaze stayed confused. “You woke up?” he repeated Nino's words. “What do you mean?”

But first Nino needed a moment to think, to arrange his thoughts. What had happened? He had fallen asleep, had ascertained without a doubt that he was in a dream and had used that knowledge.

' _Why did I do that?_ ' he asked himself, but he only needed to look at Ohno's lips to know the answer. He had wanted it, pure and simple.

But he hadn't just dreamed it. At the same time, he had also done it.

“I must have been sleepwalking,” he finally answered, hoping his answer was enough to satisfy Ohno. Even though he was sure it wasn't what Ohno had wanted to hear.

“I dreamed that we— in my dream I went to you— my body must have moved like it did in my dream.”

“Oh,” was all Ohno replied.

Nino knew that he had to clarify something now. That he had been in control of his dream. That he himself had decided to go to Ohno and kiss him. He could almost read in Ohno's eyes that he was asking himself just that. But Nino didn’t quite know how to say it. He couldn't just come out and tell him that he wanted to kiss him, that even now he wanted to throw himself at him.

 _'That would be too... embarrassing. After all tonight is the first time something happened between us_.'

“You should go back to bed,” Ohno said before Nino had even begun to find a clever answer.

A little disappointed, he made a drawn-out sound of agreement. “Although I won't be able to sleep anymore.”

 

Nino really hadn't been able to sleep anymore. But maybe that was a good thing, he thought, while he stared at his bedroom ceiling and asked himself what he would do the next time he fell asleep. The thought filled him with dread. Tonight everything had turned out well. But he was afraid that one day it wouldn't.

 

He stayed in bed until the first rays of sun touched his face. Then he slowly dragged himself out of bed, feeling absolutely wretched, as if he hadn't slept at all the night before. His dreams had long ago become more exertion than relaxation.

In the living room Ohno was already sitting on the sofa, blanket neatly folded next to him.

"Did you get some sleep, at least?" Nino asked by way of greeting. He didn't try to hide the exhaustion in his voice. With a wry grin, Ohno shook his head.

"I don't have much in the way of food here, so we have to go bother Jun-kun. He has really good cakes in his café."

 

Jun didn't seem exactly happy to see them in his café a little while later. He smiled, but a small line remained between his eyebrows and a look in his eyes, that Nino wasn't sure whether it meant that he was tired or whether it said 'You're not supposed to be here right now'. In the end, he decided it didn't matter and pushed the thought into a dark corner in the back of his mind; after all, he usually overanalyzed everything.

"No food to offer your guest?" Jun joked when they sat down at the bar. But before Nino could answer, he turned to the next customer. Nino and Ohno shared a look, before Nino pushed the menu towards Ohno.

 

Jun was setting two steaming cups of coffee down in front of them, when a young man took a seat a short way down the bar. Nino's eyes had only by chance been trained on Jun, but because they were, he clearly saw Jun's eyes grow wide before he caught himself. All of a sudden he seemed incredibly nervous.

"Jun-kun?" Nino asked cautiously, thereby also catching Ohno's attention which until then had been fixed on his coffee. But Jun wasn't paying attention to him anymore, instead he cleared the distance to the new customer in one big step, bent over the bar and whispered something in his ear. Nino didn't catch his words.

"He's here?" the stranger whispered back excitedly, but this time the whisper was loud enough for Nino to catch it. Jun's eyes immediately went to Nino, seemingly an involuntary reaction, because he looked away again at once. But Nino had seen the shock in his eyes. Slightly worried now, Nino took a few slow steps to stand with Jun and the stranger.

"Is ... everything alright?" he asked hesitantly, watching the stranger out of the corner of his eye. By now beads of sweat had formed on Jun's forehead.

"Ninomiya-san?" the stranger asked before Jun could open his mouth to reply.

"Yes, that's me. Do I know you?" Nino answered at once, even more surprised than before. This time he looked the stranger directly in the eyes, scrutinized his face and asked himself if they had met before. Something about the man seemed familiar. There was something about him he knew. But it wasn't his looks.

It was his build. The way he held himself. It was as if Nino had met his shadow once before, but never the man himself.

"I don't think so," the man replied, grinning. "But I'd like to change that. I am Aiba Masaki."

For a long moment Nino stared at the hand that Aiba held out to him. What a strange situation. A total stranger who knew exactly who he was and desperately wanted to meet him. And then there was Jun's reaction, the look in his eyes. But maybe he was just one of Jun's friends, someone who liked meeting new people, and Jun had told him about Nino and—

Jun's face was white as a sheet.

"I'm not sure if I want to get to know you," Nino answered hesitantly, his gaze moving back and forth between Jun and Aiba.

For a fleeting moment, Aiba looked surprised, then a self-assured grin stretched his lips.

"Oh yes, I think you do. After all, I can explain the meaning behind your dreams to you."

 

Now it was Nino's turn to turn white. The wheels in his head spun out of control as he tried to understand what he had just heard. His heart already understood and began to race in excitement, pumping adrenaline through his veins. But his head needed a little longer.

"My dreams?" he repeated, only to grimace because his voice sounded horrified to his own ears.

Aiba only nodded and again there was the grin on his face. It almost made him look likable, if only the wheels in Nino's head hadn't chosen that moment to stop short. But they did and all of a sudden he knew.

' _This man knows the answer to the question I've been asking myself for years_.'

"Maybe you should call Ohno-kun over here, he's involved in all of this, too, after all," Aiba said, nodding in Ohno's direction. By now Ohno looked as confused as Nino felt.

 

Jun had turned his back on them and grunted when they had made their way to a table in the corner of the café. For a second Nino wondered what his problem was. But he didn't spent long thinking about Jun, because right now this Aiba-person sitting across from him with what seemed to be a permanent grin was way more important.

Subconsciously, Ohno, who was sitting next to him, with his warm hand in Nino's and their thumbs soothingly stroking each other, was at least as important.

"So...," Nino began uncomfortably, hesitantly, after Aiba had stared at their intertwined fingers for what felt like an hour. Finally Aiba looked them in the eyes again, thought about something for a second and nodded, as if he had silently answered a question posed only in his head.

When he still didn't talk, Nino became impatient.

"Tell us what you know! Why do I have these dreams? And why do they come true every time? What is this connection between Ohno and I?" he blurted.

Ohno squeezed his hand a little tighter and Aiba stopped grinning.

"There is something that connects us, right?" Ohno piped up for the first time, seemingly a lot calmer than Nino. It felt good, very good, because calm was exactly what Nino needed right then. Before all of this had begun, he himself had always been calm, too.

Aiba wet his lips and Nino would have lost it completely if he hadn't finally begun to talk afterwards.

"There's nothing special between the two of you, if that's what you think," he began as if that explained everything. "Well, at least not concerning these dreams." Again his eyes moved to their hands and slowly but surely something began to move deep in Nino's stomach. At first only a little, like the bubbles at the bottom of a pot of water as it starts to boil. They stay at the bottom, but as soon as their numbers grow, they start to rise up to the surface and burst.

"You can't be serious! Not after everything that's happened. Are you sure that you really know something about this?" Ohno replied, as Nino was too busy fighting against the boiling water.

Hadn't he slowly started to believe in fate? In Ohno and himself and whatever there was between them? He had finally started to believe. Believe that there was a connection, that had brought them together because they—

Because they—

Didn't they belong together?

"I know almost everything about you." The corner of Aiba's mouth twitched suspiciously, but he kept himself in check. It was good that he did, because Nino didn't know how he would have reacted to a renewed grin.

"I'll start at the beginning, but don't expect too many details, alright? The truth of the matter is, I'm not even supposed to sit here and talk to you," Aiba continued eagerly. He had leaned forward slightly in his seat and was biting his tongue.

"Why are you here then? Why don't you just leave, if it's _forbidden_ to talk to us?" Nino almost spat the words, glowering darkly at Aiba. Enough was enough. "Or start talking."

When Ohno let go of Nino's hand, he wanted to let loose on him, too, but the words got stuck in his throat as soon as he felt Ohno's hand on his thigh. He knew that Ohno was trying to tell him that he should calm down. That he _had_ to.

But in light of the situation this was easier said than done.

"Alright, alright, like I said, this thing between the two of you is not what you might expect it to be. The project is about... well...," Aiba stopped in the middle of the sentence, let his eyes drift through the room, deep in thought, while he bit his lip. He seemed to feel the need to constantly keep moving.

Nino and Ohno looked at him patiently while Ohno's hand drew soothing circles on Nino's thigh.

"It's a life preservation project. Well, in the beginning it was simply a study. But now, with the two of you, we realized it's actually working."

Nino didn't know what to say to this, even though Aiba seemed to wait for an answer. None of this was making any sense yet.

"That doesn't make sense, Aiba-san," Ohno voiced his thoughts and Nino had never been happier to have him there with him.

"Alright, let me try explaining it a different way. There's this guy, who has been thinking about one thing, and one thing only, for the last however-many years. That is how to safe people that die in accidents. People that die due to chance, because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. All those accidents that are pointless, because it would have been so easy to prevent them, if only you had _known_ what was going to happen." Something changed in Aiba while he spoke. His sentences followed each other more naturally. He had reached a subject he could more easily speak about.

"And those years of thinking brought success. He developed a medicine that starts working right where our normal abilities stop. Don't ask me how exactly it works. Even though he explained it to me once, I never really understood it. It's something to do with brain cells and a certain state they reach when we sleep. And this medicine boosts all of this and combines it at the right moment... or something like that. Anyway, this medicine—"

"Hold on! I've never taken such a medicine. What does all of this have to do with me?" Nino suddenly butted in, because no matter how interesting Aiba's story was, he wanted to know something completely different.

For the first time he saw uncertainty in Aiba's face. He squinted at the bar, then looked back at Nino.

"Yes, you have. Jun-kun put it into your coffee every time you came in."

 

Nino's eyes immediately flew to the bar. There, Jun-kun set a steaming mug of hot chocolate down in front of one of the customers with a friendly smile, laughed a little at some joke the customer had made and turned back to the big coffee machine behind him.

Aiba continued right away, leaving Nino no time to think.

"He is part of the project, like me, but he's more of a freelancer. He only has the information he needs and is meant to keep an eye on you. And... to give you the medicine in regular intervals."

Nino didn't take his eyes of Jun. He watched him serve another customer as if nothing was wrong. As if Nino wasn't sitting here, being told that his best friend had been deceiving him for years. Had betrayed him. However you want to put it.

"But then things started to go wrong."

And with this one sentence, Aiba had regained Nino's full attention.

"What went wrong?" he asked forcefully, trying to catch and lock away the shock he was going through inside. So Jun had known all along. He had _known all along_. Nino had been close to going insane more than once and Jun had always known the answers to all his questions. And he had never told him.

' _Get a grip. You can kill him later,_ ' he ordered himself, automatically reaching for Ohno's hand that still lay on his thigh. It helped.

"Jun reported that your dreams grew more and more confusing after we increased the dose. Since you began dreaming about Ohno-kun's death. And when you yourself ended up in the hospital, he was close to quitting. But we managed to convince him to stay and not to tell you anything."

"And why are you telling me _now_?" Nino countered at once. "And why did it all fit so well together? You increase the dose and Ohno is in danger? What is this damn 'medicine' you force-fed me?"

This time Aiba's silence lasted longer. You could see that he had the words on the tip of his tongue, that it would take little effort to speak them, but that there was something much stronger holding him back. Something that was very important.

"Alright, I've had enough," Nino finally exploded and got up out of the comfortable armchair that wasn't a comfort to him at all that day. "You don't want to tell us everything. And as long as you are holding things back, this conversation doesn't do us any good. How am I supposed to believe that? Medicine? Life preservation project? And Jun has supposedly been involved in this for years? Sorry, but I can't and won't believe that!"

Before Aiba could reply, Jun was standing next to them. He had stepped close to Nino, had come unexpectedly close and Nino— Nino suddenly wasn't sure whether to hit or hug him and beg him to say Aiba was lying.

"Sakurai found out that you're here. He'll know you're trying to talk to Nino," Jun said urgently. And Nino needed a few seconds to understand that Jun wasn't talking to him.

"Shit, then we should leave!" Aiba suddenly sounded just as harried.

"So you really want to—?"

"Yes, there's nothing keeping me there."

Finally Jun looked at him and the force of his gaze caused a cold shiver to run down Nino's spine.

"What—"

"I promise you, I will explain everything down to the smallest detail if you come with us now."

It felt as if he was forced into a decision whose consequences he didn't know, _couldn't_ know. The serious look in Jun's eyes told him that there was something really important at stake, but he didn't know what it was, didn't know what would happen, should he decide to go with Jun and Aiba. Or if he stayed.

Quickly he shook his head, simply in order to get rid of this feeling that something was gnawing at him from the inside.

Confused by this strange sensation, he looked to Ohno, who had also gotten up.

"Let's go with them. Then everything will finally be out in the open." He smiled. He _smiled_ in a situation in which Nino could only dream of doing the same.

Then Ohno took his hand and together they hurried out of the café; together with Jun and Aiba.

 

 

Jun kept his promise.

"Sakurai is an old schoolmate," he began as soon as the three of them had squeezed into the back of Aiba's car. Nino sat in the middle with Jun on one side and Ohno on the other. He didn't know where Aiba was taking them.

"He called me four years ago and asked for my help with a project that was very important to him. He'd done a lot for me in the past, so I agreed without thinking about it long. It was only later that he told me what was really going on." Jun paused and Nino knew exactly why, when he reached for his hand and turned to look him in the eye.

"I’m sorry. I should have told you all of this a long time ago."

Nino let the words sink in, words that told him that Aiba really had been telling the truth. But at the same time Jun seemed to regret it.

"It's— I don't want to say it's alright, but as long as you tell me the truth now and stop letting me err in the darkness, I can deal with it. I think," he replied honestly.

"You know, Sakurai lost someone once that he was very close to. Because of an unlucky accident that could have been prevented easily if he had known it was going to happen. He couldn't forget about the accident, it ruined him so bad that he started with all of this. And in the end he really did it. He created something that, if you take a certain dose regularly, creates a bond with another person. He asked me if I knew someone who fulfilled the requirements for the project, someone I could keep an eye on and... you were— you were the only one I could think of."

Nino needed a minute to process all this information. So all of this was about a psychologically unstable freak who invented medicines and tried them out on unsuspecting people.

"What requirements are those?" Ohno asked.

"Normality. A normal life, a normal daily routine. The job can't be too demanding, no special talents. Those are the conditions the medicine needs to function best."

Nino swallowed hard. Before the dreams had begun, he had definitely fulfilled those requirements. But all this brought with it a realization he didn't want to allow. A disappointment that filled his heart with pain.

All those years he had thought his dreams were special, that he himself was special. And when Ohno started to die in his dreams, when he had started to save his life, he had thought of himself as his savior, someone irreplaceable, _someone_ special. It had felt good to be important for someone; despite the fear and uncertainty, it had felt good to save Ohno again and again.

But now he learned that all of this was happening because he was nothing special.

"Once the medicine starts to work, it randomly picks a person out of your subconscious, someone you once met. And builds a bond with them," Jun continued to explain and again it was like a punch to the stomach.

"That means Nino could have started dreaming about anyone?" Ohno pressed, sounding as shocked as Nino felt.

"Yes. It was pure chance that you were chosen."

An uncomfortable silence settled over the car and Nino felt Ohno looking at him. But how was he supposed to react to this? He himself had, after all, believed that it was fate that had brought them together. That they— on the sofa— last night— what was he supposed to say to Ohno? And what was it Ohno wanted to hear from him?

"You should be happy it chose you, Ohno-kun. That surely wasn't a mistake, right?" Aiba's voice broke through the silence from the front seat. For the first time that evening, Nino was grateful for Aiba, because now he had enough courage to look at Ohno. He looked into his eyes and in that moment he couldn't help himself, he had to smile. And when Ohno returned the smile right away, he felt as light as a feather.

 

"After you had gotten used to the medicine and we knew who the person you were bonded to was, we began increasing the dose. And... we also began luring Ohno into dangerous situations. I don't want to— I'm not trying to say I am blameless, but that was the point I started to doubt this whole project. But Sakurai convinced me again and again to continue. He promised me, nothing would happen to either of you."

Ohno breathed in sharply and Nino couldn't fault him for it.

"We're really sorry, Ohno-kun," Aiba caught their attention, "I was the one who pushed you at the train station. I asked you to meet me at the construction site and told you about the shop for fishing equipment. And I was the one who had them tell you Nino was on the hospital roof, getting some fresh air."

All of it sounded completely far-fetched but at the same time horribly real. It made horrible sense. It explained everything, every last question that only had a single answer.

"While you were in hospital, I fought against giving you the medicine. Sakurai desperately wanted to continue the test, wanted to make the medicine better at your expense... but after everything that had happened, I couldn't do it anymore. I kept talking to Aiba, because he, too, had become disillusioned. We decided to stop giving you the medicine. But then... you had this weird dream with Ohno in it. I was scared that it was a side-effect of the withdrawal. I tried to meet up with Aiba as soon as possible. Which was today."

 

So those were the answers he had sought for so long.

A medicine that caused the dreams. Accidents that were planned deliberately to test if the medicine was really working. Side effects that caused confusing dreams that finally brought him and Ohno together.

"Are we running away from him? This Sakurai?" All of a sudden Nino felt indescribably tired. As if his body had run the same marathon his brain had had to in order to follow the explanation.

“No. Not for long, at least. Sakurai is obsessed with this project to the point that he will look for someone else very quickly." Aiba's voice sounded a lot less enthusiastic than it had in the beginning.

"Maybe he already has."

 

 

They spent a few days outside of Tokyo in a small hotel with a nice view of the mountains. It was quiet here, rural, just what Nino needed.

Every now and then he'd dream of Ohno and every time he would crawl into bed with him. Sometimes he caught himself using his dreams as an excuse. But Ohno didn't seem to care.

"Do you really think it was a coincidence that your subconscious chose me?" Ohno asked one night, his face buried in Nino's neck. If Ohno hadn't been so close to him, he never would have heard the words.

"You know...," Nino began and breathed as soft as possible a kiss onto Ohno's temple, "some call it coincidence, others call it fate."

 

_The End.  
   _

 

**Epilogue**

Jun and Aiba had once again left together. They did this all the time and Ohno could very well imagine why. After everything he had learned afterwards, both of them had been very close to this Sakurai. Before everything had gone out of control. Every time they talked about him, Aiba got this sad look in his eyes that didn't want to fit his personality.

But still both of them were sure that they never wanted to return to him.

Ohno still had trouble believing the whole story, he couldn't quite grasp it. Although after a few days he had just stopped trying. The only thing that counted was that it was over now. There were no more mysterious medicines, no one that would deliberately put him in harm's way (and still a cold shiver ran down Ohno's spine when he thought about it).

The most important thing was that Nino was by his side.

 

"Ohno? Hey Oh-chan, are you daydreaming again?" As if Nino had known that he was thinking about him, he was suddenly standing in front of him with this smirk Ohno liked a lot on him.

"Yes. About you," he answered curtly, grinned and almost automatically reached out a hand towards Nino, then pulled him close as soon as he got a hold of him.

"Mhh, now I'm here and you don't have to dream about me any longer."

Ohno giggled, wrapping his arms even tighter around him.

A slight tremor disturbed them. The glasses in the cabinet on the other side of the room clinked quietly.

Ohno sat up straight immediately, squeezing Nino's hand tighter. Nino was feeling the same way. But both of them released a relieved breath, when the tremors stopped.

"Thank God it was only a slight—"

But then the earth started to really shake. The clinking grew louder, the doors of the cabinet opened, the glasses fell out, burst into thousands of shards. They could hear screams, shouts, a loud crack. Picture frames fell from the walls, furniture crashed to the floor and in the middle of it all Ohno and Nino sat, frozen in fear, their eyes wide.

"Shit! What— We have to—!" Panicking, Nino clung to him and Ohno wanted nothing more than for the earthquake to finally stop. It had to stop.

But it only became worse.

Again there was a deafening crack, much closer this time. Nino had buried his head in Ohno's chest and Ohno wanted to close his eyes, wanted to stop seeing what was happening around them. But he saw it quite clearly, saw the bid cabinet sway more and more, saw it sway and topple over, right on the spot they were sitting in and—

 

 

Ohno woke up screaming.


End file.
